Saturday, September 25, 2004

Okay, I'm bored!!!

I'm sitting here at 1:00 in the morning when I should be asleep. I've been trying to come up with some crafts that might sell on my site. I've found a few and have asked a few friends to check them out and give me their thoughts on the subject. Hopefully before too long, I'll have tons of craft items for sell on my site.

I don't know if you have seen my page of crafts for sale yet, but today I called the local radio station and asked if someone would be willing to donate some time and help me do some cross stitch. I actually got a response. Let me explain about the station first. Every morning, except Sunday, the have a program called The Classifieds. That's where people can call and let people know what they have for sell or what they are looking for. It's a great station and I listen most mornings. (Plus I know the DJ's and want to support them by listening.) Anyway back to the original story. A woman called and volunteered to help do this, but she wanted me to understand that she had never done cross stitch before. I told her I would teach her to do this. To me, it's a very simple thing to do. (If you can sew, you can do cross stitch.) Not only is she wanting to help, but so is her mom, her sister, and her next door neighbor, she just got volunteered to do the calling.

I swear, she and I talked for over 2 hours. Come to find out, she has all kinds of contacts in town here and not only is she going to help with the crafts, but she's going to help get this program on it's feet. She knows people that should be willing to help me raise funds to turn this into a non-profit organization. I know the Lord was watching out for me, that's the only thing I can figure. I mean, what are the odds that the one person that calls would have so many contacts? We plan to meet Tuesday and discuss tactics to see what should and can be done. I am so thrilled to have met her. I've been thanking God for her all day.

Anyway, that's all that has happened here today. I'll keep you abreast on what happens between the two of us. Please keep me and this program in your prayers.

May God always bless you and your family!!!

Friday, September 24, 2004

I wish Things Like this didn't happen

I was watching the television last night and I heard a story about a 15 year old that had been chained to his bed and was being starved. Here's the story, please be warned, this is such a sad story. How could someone do this to their own child? Children are such a blessing that to do one like this is completely beyond my comprehension. As you can tell I love kids, after all look at this program that I'm doing. Children are a reason to celebrate even if the child is sick. God gave you these children. I'm a firm believer that children only belong to a parent for only a little while. Even though a child is always your child, you only have them for such a short time. Then it's time for you to turn them loose and let them live their lives. How could someone abuse a child?

Anyway, I'm going to go for now. I hope you have a blessed day.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

You've got to read this!!!

I got this in an email the other day and thought it was so funny. I'm pretty sure this is a true story because I know which store he's talking about. I'm just glad everyone is alright. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did, but I'll warn you, it is a little long, but well worth reading.

My wife is fond of saying that my last words on this earth will be something akin to, "hey y'all, hold my beer and watch this!" Well, I have outdone myself once again. No doubt you will see this true story chronicled in a Lifetime movie in the near future. Here goes.

Last weekend I spied something at Larry's Pistol and Pawn that tickled my fancy. (Note: Keep in mind that my "fancy" is easily tickled). I bought something really cool for my wife . The occasion was our anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my sweetgirl.
What I came cross was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer gun with a clip. For those of you who are not familiar with this product, it is a less-than-lethal stun gun with two metal prongs designed to incapacitate an assailant with a shock of high-voltage, low amperage electricity while you flee to safety. The effects are supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, but allowing you adequate time to retreat to safety. You simply jab the prongs into your 250 lb. Tattooed assailant, push the button, and it will render him a slobbering, goggle-eyed, muscle-twitching, whimpering, pencil-neck geek. If you've never seen one of these things in action, then you're truly missing out--way too cool!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was so disappointed. Upon reading the directions (we don't need no stinkin' directions), I found much to my chagrin that this particular model would not create an arc between the prongs.

How disappointing! I do love fire for effect. I learned that if I pushed the button, however, and pressed it against a metal surface that I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs that I was so looking forward to. I did so. Awesome!!!

Sparks, a blue arc of electricity, and a loud pop!!! Yippee . . I'm easily amused, just for your information, but I have yet to explain to my wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, etc., etc. There I sat in my recliner, my cat looking on intently (trusting little soul), reading the directions (that would be me, not the cat ) and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood target. I must admit I thought about zapping kitty for a fraction of a second and thought better of it. She is such a sweet kitty, after all. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong? Was I wrong to think that? Seemed reasonable to me at the time.
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

All the while I'm looking at this little device (measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference, pretty cute really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no friggin' way!"

FRIGGIN' WAY--trust me, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
Those of you who know me well have got a pretty good idea of what followed. I'm sitting there alone, the cat looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it buddy," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny lil' ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad (sound, rational thinking under the circumstances, wouldn't you agree?). I decided to give myself one-second burst just for the hell of it. (Note: You know, a bad decision is like hindsight--always twenty-twenty. It is so obvious that it was a bad decision after the fact, even though it seemed so right at the time. Don't ya hate that)?

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY **************!
DAaaaauuuuuuMN!!! I'm pretty sure that Jessie Ventura ran in through the front door, picked me up out of that recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position. Kitty was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"

(Note: If you ever feel compelled to mug yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution. There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You're not going to let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. Then, if you're lucky, you won't dislodge one of the prongs 1/4" deep in your thigh like yours truly.)

SON-OF-A-***** that hurt! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at this point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both titties were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, as my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. give or take an ounce or two, I'm pretty sure.

By the way, has anyone seen my testicles? I think they ran away. I'm offering a reward. They're round, rather large, kinda hairy, and handsome if I must say so myself. Miss 'em . . . sure would like to get 'em back.


Have you noticed just how fast children are growing up these days? My 8 year old already has his own alarm clock so he can wake up on his own. My 3 year old is already wanting to learn how to tie his shoes. Why do they have to grow up so fast? Why can't they stay our little babies for just a little longer? There are times I sit and just watch them and think, "Thank you God for these wonderful blessings you've given me." There is no doubt in my mind that God gave me these children as a blessing! Even though they get on my nerves sometimes, I can't imagine my life without them. As I watch my children, it makes me wonder if I was the same way with my parents. Did I do to them the same things my kids do to me? Probably. Aren't children wonderful?!!!

Now onto the program. I've decided to sell some homemade crafts to help raise funds for this program. You can find them here, Crafts for sale. I realize that I have only one item on there, but more are coming. I hope you check it out and keep coming back to see what new items I've added.

May God be with you always.